Getting My Ass Kicked

This semester is just kicking my ass. I'm doing well, but it is a daily struggle to motivate myself to do the work that I need to do.

I spent 4 weeks in the newborn nursery, a week in a pediatricians office, a week at a our local "Big University Hospital" children's clinic and a week so far in postpartum. The only thing that has even remotely been interesting was the one day I observed in the pediatric cardiac cath lab. I loved that experience and realized that all cath lab teams consist of the coolest people in medicine.

Muriel continues to be a source of frustration and amusement. I really like the other lecturer we have (I spent 5 weeks of the semester in clinical with her) and will get a majority of the semester now that we are transitioning to pediatrics.

I wish I had funny stories to tell, but truthfully a lot of this is just mind numbing dull to me. Everyone is healthy and no real psychosocial problems to deal with in clinical. I miss dealing with disease processes.

I'm working once a week as an NA on the floor I spent the summer. Normally I get an assignment of 14-16 people, 4 of which are total care and and 10 need blood sugar checks, and at least one insulin drip so that I have to check their blood sugar once an hour, not to mention that at least 3 of the 4 totals are on contact isolation. Yesterday, I got the easy assignment of 14 people, 8 BS checks, one drip and no one on isolation. Someone else on the floor got my typical assignment. I felt like I had the day off.

A another thought on circumcision

Thanks to whoever sent the link to the article in the comments under "Le Circ". Being a nurse means being an advocate for your patient and the article goes into detail of how nurses at a hospital in NM went the full distance trying to educate their patients. In their case, their jobs were endangered due to this effort.

This last week I changed a diaper on a newborn who just had a circ, so this meant I had to take off the Vaseline gauze used and replace it. It broke my heart to have to cause that infant so much pain in doing my job. Being a nurse means that sometimes you have to do things to people that hurt, but it is for their own good. I couldn't even justify it this time.

At some point in class we will be debating on circ's and if they are necessary. I know that I will be on the side of "unnecessary" because to me it is just genital mutilation.

A New Dr. Seuss Book

We are studying the different phases of birth. The other day we got to the transition phase and Muriel demonstrated the breathing technique she wants to utilize.

She called it, Three Hoo's and a Hee.

I call it the newest Dr. Seuss Book.

Le Circ

No, it's not a fancy restaurant. It's a circumcision. I found out last week that they call circumcisions "circs".

I saw a total of 4 of them in two days. The first day there was only 1 and the doctor used something called a Gomco Clamp, as seen below.

The next day a different MD did the procedure on three babies and she used something called a Mogen Clamp.
If you asked me a week ago what I thought about circumcision, I would have been very casual about it and would have said "What's the big deal?" I have a different opinion about it now. I still think it is up to the parents, but I don't think it is something I would choose for my child.

Why do I say that? Because of the look on my face while I watched it being done. My jaw was down to my knees and my eyes were wide open. My instructor just about peed herself and said she wished she had a camera. I'm not surprised, since that's normally how I look in the OR, but people can't see it because of the mask.

Just so you think it isn't completely barbaric, they numb the baby with lidocaine. Plus, to keep the kid distracted they use a concentrated sugar water called "Tootsweet" which is put on a finger and given to the child like a pacifier. Everyone in my group, except me, was scrambling to give the sugar water. I was thrilled because I got to put on sterile gloves and prep the instruments for each procedure. Naturally, that was the highlight of my week.

One week of clinical down

I survived the first week of clinical in the newborn nursery. I'm so completely out of my element it is funny sometimes.

I haven't changed a diaper in over 10 years, so I had to be talked through it again. It's funny, I can put a diaper on a 190 lb man, but a 7 lb baby seems more complex.

I am also the world's worst swaddler. One good sneeze and the kid would be exposed to the world. My instructor said something to the effect of, "Well, just wrap him like a burrito. You know how to do that don't you?" I looked straight at her and stated, "My husband makes the burritos because I can't wrap them." She just smiled, shook her head and walked away.

This semester is a mess.

We have an instructor that I don't mind, but is a little daft at times. Muriel seems like she is 4'8" (not really, but seems like it), not too worried about using the correct terms (like using semesters instead of trimesters), and is as blind as a bat. BUT, she can be as funny as shit, intentionally and unintentionally.

The unintentional: A friend of mine volunteered to assist her in front of the class in a demonstration. Muriel spent the rest of the class calling her by my name.

The intentional: "Don't fix separate foods for your toddlers just because they are picky eaters. My mother-in-law did that it and it took years to train my husband."

Don't confuse her with the facts. Everything needs to be Muriel's way, even if it contradicts the book and other literature.

It's going to be an interesting semester.

How did we ever survive

According to the lectures I had this week, myself and countless others should be incredibly brain damaged. This is because mothers* of my age group did the following:

• Smoked while pregnant and after hatching
• Drank while pregnant and after hatching
  
• Drank Coffee, Tea, Coke, Pepsi, Tab
  
• Bottle Fed

Throw in the fact that I probably ate some lead paint along the way and it is a wonder I don't need a telethon.


* I'm not implying my mother or your mother did any of the following... I'm just saying.

The strangest Beanie Baby ever created

We learned about breastfeeding this week, so our instructor brought in a (I giggle at the word) manipulative. It looked like a Beanie Baby.

All Men are Preschoolers

I don't like to make general statements like the one in the title, but I think it is appropriate based on two things I learned in lecture.

1. Preschoolers want things how they want them. End of story.
2. Preschoolers are proud of their penises. Enough said.

"Knee-Deep"

First Day

Lecture Topic: Pediatric Assessment

Subtopic: Genital Assessment

Suggestion: Have naked child sit like a frog in order to assess genitals

Conclusion by fellow student: Sign me up as a sex offender just by hearing the suggestion

Smart Ass Comment by my Husband: "So she is asking the kid to go 'Knee-Deep?'"

And so it begins again...

Last Thursday was our big orientation day. Compared to our other orientation days, it was a walk in the park. In fact, I don't understand why we even had to show up since we could have had one big conference call in our PJ's and it would have been more productive.

This semester is going to be the necessary evil for me. I have to have the material in order to take the NCLEX, but I don't give a rats ass about it. HOWEVER, a majority of my classmates are salivating at the thought of everything we get to do this semester. Either they want to work Labor and Misery (I mean delivery) or do some type of pediatrics.

I spend the first 4 weeks of clinicals in the newborn nursery. Most people in my class would be thrilled because they get to hold babies, I'm not one of them. I think the biggest adjustment I will have to make is working with people who are healthy and I can drop.

I already miss my dirty old men.