FOS

FOS = Full of Shit

It's a real life nursing diagnosis. You get this label if you come into the hospital complaining of chest pain, but really you are just constipated.

I was surprised this summer that we averaged at least one FOS per week.

So what happens to you if you are an FOS patient. The following are included in your stay:
Chest X-ray
Cardiac Monitoring
Nuclear Stress Test
Cardiac Enzymes
Colace

Now please choose at least two from the following menu:
Cardiac Echo
Abdominal Echo
Abdominal CT - getting to drink that yummy Crystal Light flavored contrast
Abdominal X-Ray
Additional Blood Work

Depending on the results will get you any one or more of the following:

Mild
Glycerin Suppository

Moderate
Fleets Enema

Industrial Strength
SMOG Enema
Manual disimpaction by a really pissed off nurse*

Luckily no one required the Industrial Strength this summer.

*Why a pissed off nurse? Because no one I met this summer would have been happy to stick their finger up someone "who could have avoided this by eating fiber" rectum.